The Right To Say No

Sophia is eighteen years old and about to graduate from a high school for the performing arts. Sophia has always loved performing, but theater became a deep passion for her during her high school career. However, a couple years ago, she encountered a difficult situation related to her chosen line of work. Because her parents do not subsidize her acting, Sophia wanted a paying acting job. After mailing out her headshots and resumes, she eventually landed a role in an independent film that she did not know much about. As part of her role in the film, Sophia was asked to do something sexual that made her very uncomfortable, and that she felt was wrong; however, she did not know what the consequences of saying “no” would be. For two years after this experience, Sophia stopped looking for any acting work outside of school.

Sophia is an eighteen years old aspiring actress. She is about to graduate from a high school specializing in performing arts.

Sophia was born in Russia and her family moved to the United States when she was young. She describes why her family immigrated: 

“We left [when Russia] still had a communist government …there, our own government was against us. So, we left. I come from a Jewish family, [yet] I never knew I was Jewish. I never knew what religion was in Russia. In the United States, we go to a temple and to synagogue, and we are surrounded by people that are like us.”

As a child, Sophia enjoyed being the center of attention and was always singing, dancing or performing. She is the younger child in her family; her only sibling is twelve years her senior. In many ways, Sophia has grown up like an only child. 

Having always been the lead performer in school sponsored shows, or, in her words, “the big fish,” Sophia decided to try “open calls” at a variety of theaters in the city closest to her home when she was in eighth grade. Unfortunately, she was unsuccessful. By the time she was fifteen, she recognized that she needed to learn the craft of acting. She auditioned for the performing arts school and got accepted to the theater program. 

While in school, theater became a deep passion for Sophia. In her view, “we have but one life and are here for a reason.“ Sophia believes her purpose in life is acting. She claims that theater satisfies her soul and “completes” her more than anything else. She believes that ninety nine percent of people don’t understand passion, and to care so deeply about something is a “gift.” She loves the feeling of being on stage and “creating life.” Every live performance is different, and she believes that this is what makes theater distinct from television and film. Even the same characters change from performance to performance, and audience response plays a crucial role in this process. To Sophia, the goal of theater is to put life on stage.

Sophia describes herself as extremely independent, especially compared to her peers. She grew up with minimal resources, and she has accomplished a great deal on her own (without tutors, voice lessons, etc.). Her parents are generally supportive—they come to every show—but in contrast to the parents of many of her peers, they don’t act as personal managers. Sophia’s parents both work, are extremely busy, and don’t have the ability to finance her career. If Sophia decides to pursue acting professionally, she will do so without financial support. She sometimes laments this “lack” of attention from her parents, but recognizes the advantage of being at a performing arts school: 

“There’s so much I have to worry about and I have to do everything on my own. And anything I do get is because of me. Not because anyone helped me out. So, I don’t know. [My acting career has] been very slow, but in comparing to other people… I’m very lucky because I do have other connections and I know more about the business than they do. I know about the headshots. I know about résumés. What to do. What to say. How to say it.”

Because Sophia’s parents do not subsidize her acting, she wanted a paying job related to acting in some way. She had numerous expenses ahead of her. A few years ago, she had some headshots taken, wrote up a résumé, and mailed both out. As a result, she got some auditions and a few modeling opportunities. Eventually, Sophia landed a role in an independent film that she didn’t know much about. She explains, “[At that time], anything that … in my eyes would give me recognition, whatever it was, I would do, jobwise. ‘Oh I got this film. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing in it! It’s a film!’”

However, in this role, Sophia was asked to do something that made her very uncomfortable, and she didn’t say no. Even now, Sophia is still embarrassed to admit what this “something” was: “Well, it was a sexual thing [related to my character]. It was something that definitely made me uncomfortable.” She explains that even though she didn’t want to participate, she was not sure what the consequence of saying “no” would be:

“I felt that the whole situation was wrong. I didn’t feel comfortable, but I still did it. I didn’t know any better. I don’t know whether it was that I didn’t know any better or I didn’t know how to [say no]—it was my first time being in a film. What if I say no—then they’ll never want to use me again. And I have to be flexible, and this is what acting is all about… I just felt disgusted with myself.”

Obviously, the production crew of the film should have checked with Sophia about her comfort level with the role and the scene, especially for an actor of her age. However, this did not happen, a failure of communication and judgment that left Sophia feeling wronged.

Sophia didn’t go to the opening of the film and purposely lost contact with anyone who had worked on the film. For the past two years after this experience, Sophia stopped looking for any acting work outside of school. She didn’t want to get just any role she could get—she became more selective about the parts she would play and spent time thinking about the kind of actor she wanted to become:

“[I] focused on myself, learning about who I am, what I want out of this acting thing. What kind of actor do I want to be? Am I doing it for the fame or am I doing it because it satisfies me? … It’s learning what’s more important to you. What you want out of this career. If it’s just the fame, you do what you want to do, but if you want to be a serious working actor that’s been in the business for a while … you pick roles that will benefit you, that will do you justice … And it is okay to say no. It is okay to say no. It’s not the end of the world.”

Now completing her senior year, Sophia knows that she wants to be surrounded by theater because she “can’t live without it.” She has decided that she wants to become a “working actor,” not necessarily a star:

“Am I doing it for the money? Absolutely not. I found something that satisfies my soul. And there are people that tell me, ‘Find something more stable,’ but acting is the only stable thing in my life. It is all I see myself doing. I think it’s very hard for people to understand that … I could be auditioning my whole life and then get that one role in the theater and that is [more] satisfying than any other job that I could think of.”

Sophia is clearly passionate about her work, but her chosen line of work forced her into a difficult position that affected her well-being.

If you were Sophia’s friend at the time she was facing an uncomfortable situation with acting, how would you advise her?